Writing your first message to her

Mie Olsen | August 27, 2014 at 07:40

This is a major one! You might know the feeling from the bar; you stand in the distance taking deep breaths and deep sips of your drink to man yourself up to make the step and go talk to her. And what should you then say? You want to stick out from the pack, with smooth lines that most of the time ends up being cliché and working in the opposite direction for you.

Online dating is very much alike. Like in the bar, that beautiful girl gets approached all the time. They receive a lot of flirting from various types, and on Minds Alike, it’s exactly the same, they literally get spammed. So what will make you stick out from the pack?

That we would like to help you with, and we have tried to boil the mysterious world of talking to women down to some simple advise.

We might not make you become a George Clooney with the powers of Mel Gibson in “What women want” right away, but hopefully we can give you enough to not scare the dream girl away with the first message.

Show her that you’ve done more than looking at her picture

Women, especially women on Minds Alike, don’t like superficiality. One of the biggest giveaways here is to show that you’ve actually looked at more than her pictures on her profile. Ask her to tell more about that road trip in Europe, or what she finds so fascinated about knitting, or “I see on your profile that you like diving, I’ve got a pool! Let’s put some fish in it and have a dive-off!”

Women like Shakespeare

And I’m not talking about his stunning crescent haircut, but there’s nothing like a well-spoken man. A man who has the perfect line for any situation, a man with humour mixed with a perfect balanced twist of light-hearted comments.
But remember, girls don’t want you to be overly romantic. So don’t start with “heeey princess, you look like one I would build a castle for”, “big kiss and hugs, XoXoXoXoXoXo…” you get the point…
And also at the other end of the scale, try to avoid sentences such as “your profile looks interesting, let’s meet” or even worse “you look sexy, wanna go out?” It’s boring, impersonal and superficial.
Instead, write to her about specific things in a creative way.

Compliment her

And again, we’re not talking about her top sexy profile picture. Women like to be complimented about their looks, but find other interesting things about her to begin with. If she likes travelling, write to her about that instead.

Humour is the Holy Grail

Yes, we said it! Look no further! Find humours twist and stick it in there. So instead of the clichés (which we hope you’re familiar with by now!), try beginning your messages with something a bit like, “Hey, when you travel, do you take off your shoes in the plane?”

It’s not all about her

Don’t turn it into a job interview, remember to talk about yourself. Don’t send her anything on this list:

  • What size shoes do you use?
  • Height and weight?
  • More important, what size bra?
  • Where do you want to settle down when you have to take care of our kids while I work and have fun?

Instead, give her some interesting facts about yourself, mixed with some specific questions to her. Make it easy to answer, so put in 2-3 questions for her.

Be confident, but don’t push it

“Pleeeeaaase answer me”… Doesn’t really make you seem that manly, sexy and confident. Have you ever heard George Clooney say that? No, instead, be confident, “looking forward to hearing from you” is the better option.

But don’t push it either. Don’t make it “You can answer my message in person, let’s meet tonight at the Opera Bar”. And don’t push it also means, don’t start planning the wonderful life you’re going to have with her in the first message.

We might not get the Nobel price for removing the barrier between men and women here. But if you stick to these simple guidelines, your chances should increase significantly.
Be persistent, as stated girls get a lot of messages, so most won’t answer you, but eventually, the right one will!

Now it’s your turn, good luck on your adventurous dating experiences on Minds Alike!

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